Merriam-Websters definition of father is: A1. A male parent A2. A man who has begotten a child B1. God B2. The first person in the Trinity
My mom once said to me that she feels there is a difference between a father and a dad. A father is, like Merriam-Webster states, is just that, a male parent. On the other hand, a dad is a daddy, involved and loving. I understand my mom’s point. In a way, there is a difference for sure, especially for someone who had a less than desired male parent. My mom’s take on the meaning of a dad and a father are insightful and both of Merriam-Websters definitions are spot on as well. I’ve had both in my life.
When I was little, under 8 years old, my dad would come home from work and announce his arrival. Many times, he would wait by the door and I’d come running down the hallway to him, he’d pick me up and toss me in the air. It is probably one of the few favorite memories I have of him. I remember it so vividly; so much anticipation.
I could usually tell by his tone if he was in the right mood to lift me up high. When he was, I was filled with excitement as I ran, knowing that he would be there to greet me with the same excitement.
Other fond memories I have in my young childhood is when he came home with fish. He’d melt some butter and we shared in the yummy goodness of the water dwelling creature. More memories include him consistently trying to get me to like olives (it never worked, they’re disgusting and no, I will not change my mind), getting donuts after church and watching the Browns on Sundays, his request that all dinners were eaten together at the dinner table and watching Star Trek in the evenings.
As I got older, donuts and the Browns turned into changing the oil on my first car, throwing me into the air became going to visit him on Sundays at my grandmas house and sharing in pizza, watching the Simpons, Ren and Stimpy and playing computer games. Growing even older, our time together consisted of him bringing food or meeting at the park so he could visit with his grandkids.
Although good memories were had, there was no advice giving or warm welcome hugs. No meeting of the boyfriends or cheering me on for school tests. He just wasn’t that kind of father.
He died of cancer quite a few years ago. I had been working for a hospice company at the time and it was definitely a different experience being on the receiving end. It was also very moving to see his friends and family visit him within the four days he was in hospice. One thing I had never seen before and will never forget was the look in someone’s eyes when they weren’t entirely sure if they were going to heaven or hell. It was a terrifying look. Although I had forgiven my father a long time before that for the abuse he put me thru, when he died, so did all of my animosity, my shame, my anger and any ill will I felt towards him.
My father, due to circumstances even before I was conceived, was not the most gentle and loving of men. Humans are statistically a product of their upbringing. Growing up, I blamed my inability to trust and my insecurity on the way my dad parented me. Weakness or complaining wasn’t allowed but there was no alternative suggested. My brothers and I stayed outside or at friends houses during most of our free time while he was still living at home.
As I continued to age and experience life and relationships, I did not fully blame my dad for his shortcomings. The other blame goes to the devil himself. He is the best liar and the most cunning of thieves.
My daddy, Abba, is the one who teaches me about a father’s love. My relationship with my Heavenly Father wasn’t always perfect, I was usually the one fighting, abusing and being careless. He continued to show me that he will be there. Just like my sweet memory of my earthly father lifting me up, Abba lifts me up but I don’t have to second guess his mood. I know he will lift me up regardless. I know when he’s upset with me, I know when he’s proud (usually) and I know that he will always love me, no matter what I say or do. He loves me and because he loves me and has shown me what love is, I know what love is and I love him because of it.
I’ve never been much of a fan of fathers day, it was and is usually a downer for me. I didn’t choose wisely for my own children’s father and my father wasn’t the best either. I do value the daddy’s that are there for their children, my brother being one of them. I know he tries and I know he feels he falls short continuously but he does right by his kids and by God and that’s what is important. I’m positive many dads feel this way.
My birthday falls on fathers day this year. Although it’s not as big of a deal as it used to be, it’s still a stinger at times. I encourage my children to show appreciation to the God who loves them more than any earthly father ever could and I will personally take the time to say thank you to him as well.
Romans 8:15 says The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “ Abba, Father.”
With that said and the proclamation that I am a believer, a Jesus following almost 44 year old woman, I am overjoyed that I am welcome into this royal family. A father who never leaves, never reacts, loves unconditionally, consistently wants to hold me up high, will never let me down or throw me under the bus, will never make fun of my vulnerability or take advantage of my kindness and is preparing the road ahead of me….. YES PLEASE!
I absolutely love dads. If you are a dad and you consciously try to be a better version of yourself, you’re doing a good job. You will fail and your kids might one day tell you that they hate you but keep the faith. Hold your ground. You see the bigger picture. You see down the road. If you have a hard time letting the serious side down, let me encourage you to really really try. Play a game with your kids that is known for being fun and give yourself permission to be a kid again. Oh how I love to hear stories of dads laughing and joking with their children. I say often that God has a sense of humor and I fully believe it. It eases me to know that he laughs with me and dare I say it, at me sometimes. Whether your earthly father is not so great or maybe he is one of the greats, I encourage you to thank a dad that you admire and tell him that he is doing a great job. If you don’t know God as Abba, I encourage you to reach out to someone that does and ask them to tell you about him. Reach out to me if you’d like. I don’t know much but I know him as Daddy and I’ll do my best to answer any questions you might have. Or, even better, go to him yourself. Tell him you don’t know him as Abba but you’d like to try. Nothing compares to this daddy’s love.