Quenching The Thirst

Author: Dina

  • Trekking Is In The Future!

    Trekking Is In The Future!

     I once had a desire to hike on the Appalachian Trail. It was a pretty big desire. I’ve had many things over the years that I’ve wanted to do but still have yet to complete. I’m tired of watching life go by with me sitting on the sidelines waving and then feeling sad that I wasn’t picked. Ha! The image of that is depressingly humorous. Fear stops me most times.  The Appalachian Trail began as a desire to accomplish something out of reach. It was a challenge to myself to strive for greater; to remind myself that I CAN do hard things, that I can, in order: want, learn, do.

    I saved the overlook for last!

    I’m not sure if you know of the AT but it’s a trail that runs from Maine to Georgia. It crosses prairies, mountains, city roadways and forests. People voluntarily leave the comfort of their home to trek across 14 states, all in one go. On average, it takes roughly four to six months to complete this hiking expedition, although people will also hike different sections of the AT, splitting up the time and effort.  People choose to hike the AT for various reasons, it really is a personal decision and NOT as cRaZy as you think.

    Think of a goal or desire you’ve had. Did you accomplish it? Did it diminish? Were there roadblocks that happened out of your control? Do you still remember your ‘why?’ I fully believe that remembering your ‘why’ is so important.  You want to be healthy again. You want to like olives in memory of your dad. You want to hike the El Camino in Spain. Paint in watercolor. Make sourdough. Train for the Olympics. Start liking pink again.  Have a family. Learn to sew. Get a job. Keep a job. Be kind instead of mean. Get rid of crutches after your surgery. Move out. No matter what your goal or desire, your WHY is probably the most important aspect.

    Why NOT?  Life is a mess? Surgery? Grief? No knowledge? No time? Do you get overwhelmed when thinking about where to start? Fear?

    Pinpointing the ‘why not’ is just as important as remembering the ‘why’.

    Fear and laziness were my biggest ‘why nots’ when it came to the AT. I didn’t make a plan nor did I get out and hike locally so that I could build up endurance. I didn’t put myself in the training mindset. I didn’t do these things because it really wasn’t a priority. My ‘why’ must not have been big enough. Well now, this actually makes me ponder many desires I’ve had over the years. Were they not what I really wanted? Did I not want them bad enough? Did I continuously let fear win? When someone wants something bad enough or if they feel like there is no other choice, they’ll get the job done or they’ll pray for someone else to accomplish it and they’ll live vicariously thru them.

    An Instagram influencer shared in one video how she makes it easier to accomplish goals. She lists a goal, then the very very first step to that goal. Then, she lists the next step, then the next. The intent is to be as realistic as possible. For example, if my goal is to make sourdough successfully, the very very first step might be to gather a recipe and necessary tools and ingredients.  Then the next step might be to plan out how much time needed to try making sourdough.  The next step would be to put it on the calendar and stick to it. Or if your goal is to paint with watercolor (which is one goal I have) the very very first step might be to make sure I have all the tools I need and a picture if I am using one. The next step would be to dedicate a space in the house that I can do this freely. The next step would be to then start painting.

    It is when accomplishing the goal becomes difficult, blurry or far away that we need to remember our why.

    Although I do still have a desire to hike part of the Appalachian Trail, it is more important to me now to be healthy and able. Also, I’d like to be unafraid to do things that make me afraid. Going to hike, on my own, repeatedly and in different states does make me afraid. I believe that even though fear might reach us and we freeze, it is crucial that in order to grow, we do not stay frozen with that fear.  We all need to learn to pray thru it, laugh thru it, think thru it, walk thru it or sit beside a friend thru it. 

    So, since my goal is to be healthy and hike more, I recently found nice, affordable…… trekking poles! I’m beyond excited. But remember, action is the important part now. I am most intimidated by the thought of being with myself and my thoughts for 3, 4, 5+ miles. I have three choices, talk to myself (I can be interesting!), wear headphones or walk quietly with my thoughts. One goal of being in nature is to hear nature, yes? When I’m hiking, I always stop once or twice and just listen. The woods have their own ecosystem and I’m always amazed whenever I remember.

    It turns out, if you make a plan when you’re overwhelmed or if you act when you get a desire, you’re more likely to accomplish what you are setting out after. Haha, duh! (I’m hitting my own forehead over this fact). I wrote down a few parks nearby and the length of the trails. My goal was to see if I could willfully walk 2+ miles. There are a couple of women’s hiking groups I have joined yet not in person and the women seem like the real deal. So, I chose a park nearby that I’d only been to once (forgot my trekking poles, go figure ☹) and just started walking.

    My intention is not to make the fact that I went on a hike dramatic but that I have a goal and I’m striving towards it. The park I chose has quite a bit of elevation changes, steep inclines and a lot of steps. I wanted to push myself and I didn’t want to take the easy route so I went for it. I only passed by two other people on the 3.8 mile hike and I love how it is a common courtesy to acknowledge one another.  “Hello” “Hi” (pant, pant) Yes, I made it 3.8 miles. I was elated.

    The funny thing is, although I was alone with nature and who knows how many critters (Snow White would be proud) for 90 minutes, I don’t remember anything I thought about. I remember the act of thinking about various things happening in my life currently but I don’t remember focusing on any of it. It was so liberating. Granted, because this trail is amidst some ravines, I was trying to avoid tumbling down one of them! My luck, I’d end up with poison ivy on the way down and lay there, unmovable and the inability to scratch would be the death of me. I loathe poison ivy.

    Moving on.

    Welp. As I paused to consider where I wanted my writing to go next, I realized that I have a new goal. In this specific park, there is a campsite that backpackers can use. This park is also a very small part of the Buckeye Trail that goes 1,100+ miles around Ohio. My new goal is to backpack two days and sleep in that campsite. Alone. I’m so thrilled. It sounds terrifying. HAHA!  Although it does sounds terrifying, it sounds exhilarating as well.

    So, figuratively, on one side of the trail, I have goals of raising confidence, getting healthier, being comfortable and getting to know myself again. On the other side of the trail are groups of women I am hoping to connect with, form memories with, build relationships with and go on adventures with. These are my ‘whys’.  The freedom to choose is a beautiful thing.

    Some areas of the world do not have that luxury. You, right now, have the freedom to choose.

    Choose something to accomplish or to send or to say or to write or to make or to cook or to try, make a plan and THEN DO. If you reach that moment of doubt, that’s when you act! Just get up and do it. I’ll be praying for you!

  • Okay, Okay, Happy Father’s Day

    Okay, Okay, Happy Father’s Day

    Merriam-Websters definition of father is: A1. A male parent A2. A man who has begotten a child B1. God B2. The first person in the Trinity

    My mom once said to me that she feels there is a difference between a father and a dad. A father is, like Merriam-Webster states, is just that, a male parent. On the other hand, a dad is a daddy, involved and loving. I understand my mom’s point. In a way, there is a difference for sure, especially for someone who had a less than desired male parent. My mom’s take on the meaning of a dad and a father are insightful and both of Merriam-Websters definitions are spot on as well. I’ve had both in my life.

    When I was little, under 8 years old, my dad would come home from work and announce his arrival. Many times, he would wait by the door and I’d come running down the hallway to him, he’d pick me up and toss me in the air. It is probably one of the few favorite memories I have of him. I remember it so vividly; so much anticipation.

      I could usually tell by his tone if he was in the right mood to lift me up high. When he was, I was filled with excitement as I ran, knowing that he would be there to greet me with the same excitement.

    Other fond memories I have in my young childhood is when he came home with fish.  He’d melt some butter and we shared in the yummy goodness of the water dwelling creature. More memories include him consistently trying to get me to like olives (it never worked, they’re disgusting and no, I will not change my mind), getting donuts after church and watching the Browns on Sundays, his request that all dinners were eaten together at the dinner table and watching Star Trek in the evenings.  

    As I got older, donuts and the Browns turned into changing the oil on my first car, throwing me into the air became going to visit him on Sundays at my grandmas house and sharing in pizza, watching the Simpons, Ren and Stimpy and playing computer games.  Growing even older, our time together consisted of him bringing food or meeting at the park so he could visit with his grandkids.

    Although good memories were had, there was no advice giving or warm welcome hugs. No meeting of the boyfriends or cheering me on for school tests. He just wasn’t that kind of father.

    He died of cancer quite a few years ago. I had been working for a hospice company at the time and it was definitely a different experience being on the receiving end. It was also very moving to see his friends and family visit him within the four days he was in hospice. One thing I had never seen before and will never forget was the look in someone’s eyes when they weren’t entirely sure if they were going to heaven or hell. It was a terrifying look. Although I had forgiven my father a long time before that for the abuse he put me thru, when he died, so did all of my animosity, my shame, my anger and any ill will I felt towards him.

    My father, due to circumstances even before I was conceived, was not the most gentle and loving of men. Humans are statistically a product of their upbringing. Growing up, I blamed my inability to trust and my insecurity on the way my dad parented me.  Weakness or complaining wasn’t allowed but there was no alternative suggested. My brothers and I stayed outside or at friends houses during most of our free time while he was still living at home.

    As I continued to age and experience life and relationships, I did not fully blame my dad for his shortcomings. The other blame goes to the devil himself. He is the best liar and the most cunning of thieves.

    My daddy, Abba, is the one who teaches me about a father’s love. My relationship with my Heavenly Father wasn’t always perfect, I was usually the one fighting, abusing and being careless. He continued to show me that he will be there. Just like my sweet memory of my earthly father lifting me up, Abba lifts me up but I don’t have to second guess his mood. I know he will lift me up regardless.  I know when he’s upset with me, I know when he’s proud (usually) and I know that he will always love me, no matter what I say or do. He loves me and because he loves me and has shown me what love is, I know what love is and I love him because of it.

    I’ve never been much of a fan of fathers day, it was and is usually a downer for me. I didn’t choose wisely for my own children’s father and my father wasn’t the best either. I do value the daddy’s that are there for their children, my brother being one of them. I know he tries and I know he feels he falls short continuously but he does right by his kids and by God and that’s what is important.  I’m positive many dads feel this way.

    My birthday falls on fathers day this year.  Although it’s not as big of a deal as it used to be, it’s still a stinger at times. I encourage my children to show appreciation to the God who loves them more than any earthly father ever could and I will personally take the time to say thank you to him as well.

    Romans 8:15 says The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “ Abba, Father.”   

    With that said and the proclamation that I am a believer, a Jesus following almost 44 year old woman, I am overjoyed that I am welcome into this royal family. A father who never leaves, never reacts, loves unconditionally, consistently wants to hold me up high, will never let me down or throw me under the bus, will never make fun of my vulnerability or take advantage of my kindness and is preparing the road ahead of me….. YES PLEASE!

    I absolutely love dads. If you are a dad and you consciously try to be a better version of yourself, you’re doing a good job. You will fail and your kids might one day tell you that they hate you but keep the faith. Hold your ground. You see the bigger picture. You see down the road.  If you have a hard time letting the serious side down, let me encourage you to really really try. Play a game with your kids that is known for being fun and give yourself permission to be a kid again. Oh how I love to hear stories of dads laughing and joking with their children. I say often that God has a sense of humor and I fully believe it. It eases me to know that he laughs with me and dare I say it, at me sometimes. Whether your earthly father is not so great or maybe he is one of the greats, I encourage you to thank a dad that you admire and tell him that he is doing a great job. If you don’t know God as Abba, I encourage you to reach out to someone that does and ask them to tell you about him. Reach out to me if you’d like. I don’t know much but I know him as Daddy and I’ll do my best to answer any questions you might have. Or, even better, go to him yourself. Tell him you don’t know him as Abba but you’d like to try. Nothing compares to this daddy’s love.

  • Bubbles For The Win!

    I know, I know. I know what you may be thinking… yet another article about sourdough. I will not apologize but I will reassure  you that I’m not going to tell you how to feed it, if it’s bubbling enough or what it’s going to smell like once you first start (ew). This is more about the ‘why’ behind my own sourdough journey.

    It all started in 2020 during the Covid crisis. Joking! Although I, along with many other people, woke up quite a bit due to that crisis, my relationship with sourdough recently just started. When I first heard of sourdough more than a few years ago, I didn’t pay much attention.  I began to invest in more homegrown, trying to eat things with ingredients I could pronounce, starting my own veggie garden and consuming nutrient dense foods. All of a sudden, sourdough bread and recipes were everywhere! I researched the benefits and also tried an herbed sourdough, it was quite tasty. I have a girlfriend who was already in the thick of making sourdough. When I arrived at her house one day, the view in her kitchen was mason jars and dried flaky dough, bags with stickers, dutch ovens, proofing mats and a smell that made me want to cuddle. Yes, cuddle. Fresh baked bread will do that to many people. Don’t let the secret out, I’m not ready to date. Yummmmmm. Then my dear friend provided me with oil and balsamic for dipping. Only bad thing about it was that I had to share. ☹ She’s so committed too, committed as in she bakes enough sourdough now to be selling it, taking requests and force feeding her family because of its benefits. It’s admirable. She will most likely laugh or be embarrassed that I even mentioned her.

    Off topic: that picture reminds me of my friend! My friend has green eyes though and in the 35 years that I’ve known her I’ve never seen her braid her hair…. but I don’t care, it still reminds me of her.

    Fast forward seven months. I am on day 10 -ish of attempting to create, with my own two hands, a sourdough starter. I doubted it was working after only the first day so two days later, I started another one with different measurements. It’s flour and water. Two ingredients. How hard can it be? Anyway, I still currently have two mason jars of starter that are trying to start. Two is necessarily not a great thing unless you document in detail. At about the 5 day mark, I fed the wrong one or at least I thought I did, I still am not sure. I had both jars in front of me, I was already late in feeding one and I’m going mad. Like, I have two jars in front of me, if I don’t feed the right one, it’s all over, I’ll have to wait, I’ll have to order flour from the mill and it will take two weeks to get here and I don’t have that kind of time!!!!! At least that’s how I felt. So silly (I know that now hahaha)

    I am happy to report though that although both of them rise and both bubble, one of them is looking pretty darn happy to almost be alive! My mom says it smells like feet still, I say it kinda smells like dough. It does. A little.

    The thing with making sourdough though is that, like my daughter says “it’s not that deep”. It’s really not that serious. A lot of information is out there and there is so much in so many places and everyone has their own preferences. I’ve learned that you can either wait until your starter is active before you add it to your recipe or… no, you don’t have to wait. I’ve learned that it takes 5-7 days to have an active starter. Some others say it takes 10-14 days. I’ve seen that you need to buy 20 things to make it or you can go the realistic route and just use a loaf pan. (I did end up buying a dutch oven for this purpose and spending way more than I’ve ever spent on a dish before but hey, it’s pretty and now I have it and it’s multipurpose).

    Now, for my reasoning. I’m tired of living thru life saying I want to do certain things and never doing them. What excuses have I given you might ask? No time, I don’t know how, I’ll be doing it alone, it’s too much money, it probably will not be as fun as I imagine, I can just look at that in a picture, they know I love them, no one is going to eat it but me. I have used every single one of those excuses for not doing the things I want to do. I truly believe God has me on a direction that pleases him and regarding sourdough, I’ll eat it for Pete’s sake! It’s delicious! Crusty outer and a warm soft center; my mouth is watering. Plus, I can use it to bless others.

    There is something to be said about creating. I am not the creator but I am a creator. I have created paintings, drawings, pictures, delicious meals, homegrown vegetables and flowers planted from seed. Watching something grow from the beginning is something special indeed. It reminds me that the earth we live in is beautiful. It reminds me to slow down and appreciate creation and science.

    If I knew then what I know now, wait, no, I told you I wouldn’t say do this or do that. One thing, just one thing that will save you SO much time. Pick one recipe and do NOT wander from it. There might be variations or methods that work better but you’re not concerned with being better, you’re concerned with just being. You will be tempted! You will read a different article or recipe and think what they’re saying is a good idea. Don’t wander! Save the article and move on.

    So far, I do not have a living starter that is ready for baking bread. When I do, then I will begin the process of trying to bake an edible loaf. That’s a whole different post. Good grief. The way I see it, I could’ve not started my sourdough attempt. You know how that goes though, then one day I may wake up and wish that I had. I am no longer willing to be the person that watches other people do things I wish I had done. What about you??